-
Describe how the goals we choose are related to the emotions we feel. Offer personal illustrations.
-
As I look over my life I can see how my school and career goals were driven by my desire to be recognized and appreciated. Growing up, especially as one out of nine children and 2nd oldest, there was little time or attention given to me. Only when I brought home good grades or later on, got a promotion or pay raise at work, did I feel valued. There is still probably some residual feelings there, but in my latter years, my desire is only to please God and there is no doubt in my mind, that God values me. This knowledge has given me the freedoms to do much more sacrificial giving and serving without any expectation of recognition. I only want to glorify and praise and serve God.
-
If my goals are uncertain I feel anxiety. If they’re blocked I feel angry. If they’re unreachable I feel self-hatred.
-
my choice from early life has been to avoid perceived hurt – and pain – particularly the perception of challenges and perceived pain via risk and therefore avoid risk – at an early age my mother sought an answer as to why I seemed ‘slow’ in the early grades of school – at that long ago time I was evaluated to simply be an underachiever – not a clear answer to my condition because I was simply seeking to avoid the perception I had of being wounded and profoundly pained by not reaching out to risk and thrive.
-
Our goals find their roots in the narratives of our past. Within the realm of trauma, we often construct beliefs or draw conclusions that shape our trajectory. From this place, we form a roadmap that guides us towards emotional safety, regardless of its accuracy. Personally, as a result of enduring emotional neglect during my childhood, my goal became centered around preserving a sense of emotional self-sufficiency while avoiding any display of weakness or neediness. This objective was fueled by a deep-seated fear of judgment, rejection, or further hurt if I were to expose my vulnerabilities to others. Instead of actively seeking support and forging connections, my default approach revolved around projecting an image of unwavering strength and independence.
-
Our God-given capacity to choose is often not aligned with our God-given appetite for Him. This is inevitable due to the corruption of sin in our ability to choose properly. As a result we are inclined to choose goals that may be important to us but not critical to our deepest need for God. When that happens, and God is left out of the picture, there is much uncertainty in that process as we can’t be certain that we will achieve it. This gives rise to anxiety in our pursuit and anger is directed to things, situation or people whom we perceived to be blocking those goals. And when the realisation strikes us that we will never achieve those goals especially with our own resources and efforts, there is a sense of self-hatred at our helplessness and adequacies. These negative emotions start with making wrong choices that is never aligned with God’s will that we desire Him above everything else. Conversely, when we are making the right choices to worship God and serve others, while things can be tough, having the certainty of being in God’s will and believing that ALL things work for good to those we love Him give us a deep joy and sure hope that is found in that growing relationship with God as we seek Him and only Him alone.