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Discuss (from personal experience, if possible) how the loss of freedom is related to the pursuit of hidden goals.
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As a child my father was gone, my mother was in and out of my life, my significantly older brothers left at a young age and I was raised by my grandma. My grandma was a very hardworking woman, and I am so thankful for her. Because of everyone leaving, i developed a belief that everyone will leave me eventually and a fear of rejection and being alone. A belief that I was not good enough and undeserving of love. Which obviously resulted with a behavior of people pleasing, fight or flight responses out of fear, controlling issues, ect. Which stole my freedom to choose how I would live my life because it was ultimately stolen by the corruption of my belief system as a child without GOD
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I identify well with the man whose father left him at 11 having had a similar experience. I also moved to competence as a ticket to approval. Now as an older adult I see that I fear being found incompetent. I work hard in a variety of ways in a variety of situations so that I won’t “be found out” as incompetent. Moving into new areas where my chances of success are not predictable can really cause me to hesitate, even turn down opportunities, as if I had no options, no choice. By God’s grace I have learned that admitting my true status – competent or not – puts me an a moldable and useful position where God can do real good. My value is connected not to my performance; he approves of me and has loved me through his Son, Jesus. That is enough and will be enough even if I fail because I am incompetent.
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I was a slave to my need to achieve this specific goal and would not, could not see any other way to satisfaction. Years later I realized, after seeking wholeheartedly for my LORD, that it was unnecessary. This pursuit was not a total waste. Thank God He used it to teach me and to draw me closer to Him.
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Our desires can become corrupted so that we pursue what’s important at the expense of what’s necessary. We exchange a higher-level story for a lower-level story. Growing up, I never felt good enough in my church. I was hyperactive and loud so adults would often make comments about my behavior. It made me feel not good enough in churches. And in some ways, while what I do today I consider a calling, a part of me knows that it was influenced by a need to be accepted by a church community – to let me know that I’m good enough. At the very least it was an early goal – to be good enough so that meant working in a church. If I can accomplish that then I’ll be happy. And it just didn’t happen for 20 years because I believe God needed me to be broken and realize that a relationship with Him is everything I need to be ‘enough’. In the second half of life, the desire and doing of ministry flow much more out of my relationship with God than from a past wound.
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In my biological family, I was a middle child and my parents fought a lot. So I learned early to stay back, be quiet and try to be the good kid. This dynamic caused me to be an overachiever, a perfectionist. This goal of having to be the best made me feel trapped when I was raising my own family. I was bound by my own unspoken goals and simply couldn’t keep up to the degree I thought necessary. As a result, I spiraled into a depression and had to finally come to terms with my unrealistic expectations I put on myself.