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Discuss (from personal experience, if possible) how the loss of freedom is related to the pursuit of hidden goals.
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My greatest desire was to have a happy marriage and family. My parents’ relationship and the family they had were my ideals.
My hidden goal was to be loved and understood completely by another. I’m an introvert, I don’t need a lot of friends and people to affirm me. But, I wanted that one person who could meet my emotional needs and connect with me emotionally as we do life together. When this lesser desire did not meet my expectations, I felt trapped, I cannot leave and I cannot achieve my desire. -
So the exterior goal was to use my profession as a veterinarian. Nothing wrong with that goal but the hidden goal was the approval and praise of those I served. I wanted to please them so badly that I lost my freedom to say no. I would place my performance and their approval above the approval of my wife and kids. I sacrificed a lot of time that could have been used for growth in my relationship with God, family and friends. I learned as a kid that I got the most praise when I performed well. This translated into feeling the best when I performed my job well and got praised for it. In the process I gave up a lot of freedom to say no when I should have and became a slave to this feeling of satisfaction that came from good performance and praise.
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In my pursuit of the lesser desire to be safe and protected, I became very competent in my ability to manage my life on my own, and not, at first, realize my self-protection kept me in a cage. As my lesser need to stay safe in relationships grew, I became a slave to it, and subsequently, my deepest need for God was never satisfied.
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Pursuing education and career in PT and when I could not pass the physics courses, then God called me into Nursing. That was His will and met the needs I had for relationship for 10 years, but as both He and I wanted more specific spiritual ministry, He brought me to that through struggles with medical personnel. Also, in church ministry, children’s ministry was my area for years but then he taught me that I was relating to children and the elderly in part because they were not threatening and I could control those caretaking relationships in an easier way than facing the demands of more equal and more personal relationships which involved vulnerability and more give and take interactions.
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Wings clipped. I can’t soar with full-fledged wings. I took the leap of faith to move out to pursue my goals – not just once, but a few times. (not marriage, but jobs).