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Of the three basic “don’ts” of SoulCare taught in this lesson, which one do you most often do? Why do you tend to do this? Of the three basic “do’s,” which one do you tend not to do, and why?
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The 3 don’ts in short are: Don’t back away; don’t give advice; don’t give support.
Of these I most often give advice. I do this because I want to help my friend do the right thing or be delivered from their current difficult situation.
I tend to do this because I don’t want to see people I care for be stuck in undesirable or painful situations. In some cases, it pains me to see them suffering, and their suffering directly affects me, so I somewhat selfishly want them to be delivered.
The 3 do’s in short are: Listen attentively with expectation; Ask questions; Think reflectively. I tend not to ask questions. Many times because I can’t think of anything to ask. Maybe I lack the curiosity that Dr. Crabb speak of. But mostly, I can’t think of anything to ask, 🙁 -
Of the three don’ts of soul care I often find myself offering support. I believe the first reason I do this is because it is the environment I grew up in. Often receiving first the support from family that really did make what I was going through trivial and also having the counter effect of making me feel of lesser value. At the same time I jump to this don’t because I want to covey you the person that they matter. While the heart is good the action is a poor choice.
Of the three do’s I tend not to reflectively think. Instead I try to take every moment and fill it as much as I possibly can. Even in the lesson hearing it I was visualizing how I do things I. Other areas of my life. I guess I don’t reflect because I look at the pause as a void needing to be filled and instantly feel pressure to fill it.
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The “don’t” that I do the most often would be offering support too soon. I think part of it is the training I have had n graduate school to validate and build rapport with the person. On another level, though, I can offer support too soon because I don’t always know what to do or say. I sometimes can get nervous hearing a person’s issue and offer a kind word to help me feel less nervous. The “do” I would most often use would be asking good curious questions. Part of it, again, would be training, but I am very curious about those I meet within counseling.
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I’ve failed at all of them. Not listened enough before I spoke. Spoke without asking questions but I really haven’t thought reflectively after hearing what’s been shared. I think its because I think I always have to have an answer and besides that, the silence of just reflecting would make me uncomfortable. Something about silence makes me feel I like I should be saying something. I’ll have to learn to do better on this one.
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I have done several of the don’ts but most often I think I offer support probably prematurely. I want to be Prozac for the other person, to make them feel better quickly and I suspect I don’t really want to have to actually get any deeper into their soul. I suppose I just want to say something that hopefully makes them feel better and I feel good about having done so. Not pretty.