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Of the three basic “don’ts” of SoulCare taught in this lesson, which one do you most often do? Why do you tend to do this? Of the three basic “do’s,” which one do you tend not to do, and why?
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Considering the three don’t that were covered in this lesson I find myself offering support. The reason for taking such approach is that I want the individual to know and feel that I have listened to the problem and trying to show them how much I care by taking action. Asking to pray with them, or asking how else I can help has been the path taken, but with this lesson have understood the reasoning why such method can be taken in offence. Whenever someone shares details about his or her life the goal is not to trivialize or minimize the problem he or she is experiencing which this lesson has made clear. The Do that I tend not to do as often is ask questions-I do not want the person to feel like I am prying too much. If he or she had the courage to share that much then it should be up to that individual to continue. I could correct this thinking by perhaps asking if I may continue to ask questions-out of curiosity. Not to advise but to continue to reflect upon what he or she is saying and providing that safe space.
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With the dont’s I think it depends upon the situation. I back away from people who I think are judgmental or critical and are not talking about their situation in such a way that they want to receive help or resolve conflict. I used to give advice a lot but it harmed relationships. It’s probably the one I did the most, And I hope that pattern is broken, but I know I fight falling into it. Offering support since the quickest way to help the person feel you care but I understand it can trivialize situations and make a person feel you understand their struggle.
Of the three dos, Listening reflectively is the one I do the least. Sometimes I think they feel the empathy from me when I have not converted it, or I try to convey it by offering something before they really know and trust me. -
I find myself offering support most quickly of the 3 dont’s. It is hard to sit with the uncomfortable confusion of another’s mess, and I want to make them feel better fast! This can trivialize what they are sharing; and that is not my desire.
Of the three do’s, I find myself wanting to fill space with words. I find it difficult to think meditatively and ponder the important things the person is sharing. I find silence awkward. This is something I want to work on. I have experienced being listened to in a way that I feel very validated by having my listener acknowledge what I’m saying and offer her presence more than words.
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Of the “Don’ts”, my go to is offering support. I definitely pray with them. I feel the inadequacy of my life and I know there is power in prayer, but did not realize that I was trivializing their problem and life; so I definitely am wanting to make that change.
Of the “Do’s”, I am not good at asking questions. I’m a very good listener; so I have found myself praying that God would give me questions recently to be able to dig in deeper and lean in more to conversations.
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I tend to want to give advice. Of course, it comes from a place of love; I often have journeyed a similar road, or I have gained some knowledge or wisdom on the subject, and I want to share this with the dear friend or family member. However, it is often met with frustration because people are often really just wanting to unload their hurts, and not get the solution.
I don’t tend to ask enough good questions. If I do ask questions, it’s more of a “prying” type of question, but I want to improve on the curiosity mindset. I make assumptions and/or ask leading questions instead of just listening intently, and BEING with the person through the struggle.