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What tends to be your goal in a conflict with your spouse? Has anything in this lesson changed your perspective on conflict?
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I am not sure if it’s a goal, but I listen to see how I can become a better wife and that should not be the case. Because it’s more about listing to my spouse and understanding his needs.
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In a conflict with my spouse my goal tends to be wanting to be heard, understood, and at many times just trying to win the argument. Going through this lesson has made me think more about the process of how I treat my spouse rather than winning the argument. I have also began to think about what I care about and what my focus in on. As stated in the lesson, instead of winning, thinking about does the other person feel closer to God, are they empowered, or are they encouraged. I have never thought about interactions that way, but this will definitely be something I continuously reflect on in the future.
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Just as I learned from this lesson I realized that I had been that kind of person who wanted to get my point across so that my wife heard and understood what I meant. But at the same time I didn’t want our kids to hear our arguments. I would let my wife explain what she wanted to say so that I understood what was happening. Then she would tell me what I should do to help her with this situation. I then realized that this continued on for many years in our marriage. So I did as we learned from this lesson to just go along and not argue anymore. Thank God for this lesson because now I know how much hurt the both of us went through the way we communicated with each other. I’m ready for a new Hope of love and communication with my wife and I in drawing us closer to God.
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My goal is to communicate better by listening to what she is saying and let her finish. My tendency is to cut her off and say what I already perceived in my mind. I need to control myself.
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I tend to give in to my wife whenever I can so as to avoid further tension in the relationship. I tend to keep silent when confronted as I think that since I have no better thing to say/defend, it is better to keep silent than hurt her with my not-so-ready (not thought through) response. From the lesson, I have to discern her warning signs and de-escalate the tension. I also need to combat my learn helplessness mindset as It is not helpful. Stop dwelling in the past and make decisions that will help in the future.