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Why is it a mistake to focus on retreating, advising, or empathizing while attempting to provide SoulCare? Which of these three mistakes are you personally more likely to make as you attempt to engage in SoulCare? What do you think predisposes you to make that mistake?
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All of those things come completely from our own soul and experience, and leave no room for the Spirit to move. They use our own knowledge but not supernatural wisdom.
I used to be an “advisor” for many years, although I’ve learned to listen a bit better and become more of an “empathizer” lately. I care deeply about people and want to be a helper to them, and carry a bit of the burden. But ultimately, as I’ve journeyed in soul care, it is truly the best method! -
Retreating is a reaction to what I am hearing that makes me want to back away. As Dr Crabb describes it, I want to move or reframe the situation into something I think I can handle. This stops the opportunity for progress toward what the Spirit may want to do as we lean into the problem just the way it is. Advising without sufficient understanding of what is going on in the person’s interior stops the movement of the Spirit and offers short term fixes vs. what the Spirit may want to do in this person’s life. Empathy is ok but it has no vision for what God may be up to in the person’s life. We certainly want to be empathetic to a person’s pain but there needs to be vision beyond the immediate. I am very empathetic and would be the mistake I would most likely make. I think because of the emotional pain I have experienced myself have experience would be why I’d make this mistake most.
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All three leave out the power of God’s Spirit. Retreat is backing away from Soul Care. Advising only rearranges the person’s behavior and does address the core problem(s). Empathy isn’t necessarily all bad but once again it doesn’t change anything. It is easy for me to want to give solutions or offer a fix to someone. I guess often through my own experiences I see a similar problem and remember may solution and result.
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When we are attempting to provide Soul Care and focus on our tendencies of retreating, advising, and empathizing, we can get lost in our inadequacies instead of exploring our deepest passion, for God. Instead, we should acknowledge our inadequacies through repentance and then wait and listen for the Spirit to speak to us and provide the wisdom to move into another’s soul. I am sure I will make all three of the mistakes listed, but advising may be the one I am more tempted to use in my attempt to do Soul Care. I think what predisposes me to offer advice comes from a fear of not looking foolish. If I made a mistake growing up, I was often met with ridicule or shame.
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Retreating will make them think they are unlovable, advising is trying to fix them, empathizing is only the first step and leaves out the solution of allowing God to bring healing. It depends on the person and my energy level. Retreating if I am tired, advising is old behavior and empathizing is the one I would like to do so they will accept me.