• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Posted by Austin on 02/25/2021 at 10:29

  Austin replied 2 months ago 200 Members · 207 Replies
• 207 Replies

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  Austin

  Administrator

  03/11/2025 at 12:19

  For me, “don’t have time” “don’t want to get involved” “don’t know how to help” are my personal experience. Despite I have a passion to help others go through their difficulty, I also afraid that I cannot help them effectively and me myself cannot afford that burden as well. I think a health boundary such as avoid dual relationship like counseling setting will be helpful for me and avoid burnout.

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  Austin

  Administrator

  02/27/2025 at 18:00

  It is difficult because people don’t want to take the time to listen to the problem.

  some people do not know how to form a relationship with other people or they don’t want to.

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  Austin

  Administrator

  02/24/2025 at 10:37

  For me it is difficult to talk about myself, especially about some of the worldly things I was involved in before I gave my life to the Lord. I have always been an introvert with the accompanying twin of expressing myself to others. I guess that would make turning my chair towards another a little awkward.

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  Austin

  Administrator

  02/20/2025 at 12:15

  Opening up about our deepest thoughts, emotions, and experiences can be daunting. It often makes us feel vulnerable, as though we are exposing parts of ourselves that could one day be used against us. The fear of judgment, rejection, or betrayal can hold us back from forming deeper connections. But what exactly keeps us from letting others in?

  One common reason is the fear of feeling inadequate or awkward. Many people worry that sharing too much will be seen as weak, flawed, or unworthy. Society often rewards confidence and self-sufficiency, making it difficult to admit when we struggle. Instead of risking embarrassment, we keep our thoughts and emotions to ourselves.

  For me, the biggest barrier to opening up is not wanting to get involved. Sometimes, life feels too overwhelming to take on the emotional weight of another person’s experiences, and in return, I hesitate to share my own. There have been times when I’ve wanted to confide in someone but held back, worrying that it would create an expectation of deeper engagement—one that I wasn’t sure I had the energy to sustain.

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  Austin

  Administrator

  02/19/2025 at 11:40

  I believe there are many people who have attempted to turn their chairs to another person, only to be hurt by them. This can happen in a marriage, a friendship, a child and parents, and even a pastor to a team. There are sometimes we, as pastors, have opened up our own hearts and shared our struggle, only to find out later that it has been used as gossip. Sometimes, after sharing with another person, people can feel hurt, used, or betrayed. This keeps many people from turning their chairs. “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.” All of us have been hurt at some point and I think this is a big reason we don’t turn our chairs.

  In addition, it always takes someone to initiate the turning of the chairs. Many people wait forever for someone to turn their chair and think to themselves, “If he or she turns their chair, I will turn mine.” We wait for others to take the initiative and they never do. Inside, the person sitting next to us, is thinking the same. And so, for years, people sit next to one another never turning their chair. It takes courage to take that first chair turn and many people don’t have it.

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